Reflections on the Tragedy at Newtown

Written by E. Lee Webster

Some time has now passed and we can look back at the senseless shootings at Newtown, Connecticut. Like most people I was impacted by the tragedy. Events like this trigger great sorrow. Most parents and grandparents pause imagining that it could have been one of ours. We identify with the parents and families that experienced the tragedy overwhelmed by the immensity of what happened. What can we learn from what happened there? Even now I am attempting sort out my thoughts concerning that day.

Following the media and social networking it is clear that there have been a number of reactions to the event. There is a move for gun control, movie and electronic games have been criticized, some want police assigned to every school or some want to arm teachers, others have proposed mental health services, and there have even been some lawsuits. Some educators that I have met have suggested that it was an isolated event and that nothing could have been done to prevent the carnage. As I reflect, however, some of the suggestions may have merit but it appears to me that the problem is rooted deeply in our culture which has rejected many traditional values and beliefs. I am again reminded:

1. Life is precious. Every person who experiences the loss of a loved one knows that life is both precious and fragile. Following a tragedy such as that in Connecticut the immensity of the loss emphasizes this truth. In the mean time we do not often extend that same value to include others who also are cheated of the gift of life. Guns are not responsible for the thousands of lives sacrificed each year through abortion or euthanasia. I find it hard to believe that death and loss on one hand is considered violence and on the other is acceptable. How does one explain that dichotomy to a young child and what does it say about our culture?

2. Marriage and Family are the core of our society. This truth is clearly evident when we view family members coming together as the primary source of support to those grieving. Parents and grandparents clinging to one another and their children for comfort. Meanwhile there are alarming trends taking place in the institution of marriage. Cohabitation is increasing, marriage rates are dropping, divorce rates are tending to increase. Statistics clearly bear out that the social, educational, emotional and financial benefits of this institution for parents and children alike. Clearly, the best place for a child to experience physical, emotional, and social growth is in a stable the home with his or her natural parents. It is time for all of us to recommit to strengthening marriage and the vows that bind a man and a woman together, “until death do us part.”

3. Evil is a reality. This has been true since the beginning of time. Consider the biblical account of Cain and Abel, the atrocities in the Roman Coliseum, the Holocaust, Oklahoma City and 9/11. Evil permeates life and culture and seeks to destroy. Consider also the impact of bullying, domestic violence, video games that promote murder and crime, movies that idolize killing, pornographic images that devalue people, and political demonstrations with threats and brutality. Perhaps it is time for us to take a closer look at this reality and resolve to make significant political and legal changes to provide a safer world for our children and grandchildren.

4. God is in Control. As much a reality as Evil is, we strive to find the goodness and comfort in our faith. In times of crisis and loss people turn to God for answers (and sometimes to blame him). Unfortunately, after the tragedy passes, the tendency is to return to our old patterns and forget God. After 9/11 the churches were filled but 6 months later things returned to normal. Now there are some who would restrict the freedom of Religion and remove the symbolism and reference to God from our heritage and future. It is “In God We Trust,” or have trusted, for generations. In Him love, hope, joy, comfort, purpose and meaning in life can be found. Jesus in speaking to his disciples said clearly, “in this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Now, as we enter 2013 I hope that all of us will take the time to reflect on these issues. Each of us bears the responsibility for the future. Remembering in the words of Edmund Burke the “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil for good men to do nothing.”

Talking to Children About School Shootings

It's easy to get overwhelmed thinking about talking to your kids about the school shooting. There's some help on a website here: that we have found in the last few days.


Additionally, there is this article that has been helpful for others.

Clicking on the link on the word "here" and "this" will take you to the articles.

If you would like more assistance, or you or your child is continually disturbed about this issue to a level where it is interrupting normal life, please call our office at 1-800-236-3792.

“Facebook” or “Fakebook”

I have had many thoughts about social media and specifically the use of Facebook or FB. Unfortunately, many of my own thoughts have really been negative towards it. Sure, I understand that it is a way for people to connect with loved ones from a distance, classmates from the past, and even the greater world around them, and for that I praise Facebook for helping people reconnect and get connected. Of course, businesses love FB too; they can get the word out about their product or services to over 900 million people without having to barely lift a finger, except to sign a check over to Zuckerberg for an advertisement (Nawaiwaqt Group of Newspapers, 2012).

My question is, “are we really more connected”? Do we really have greater intimate relationships after someone reads a status update? I have around four hundred friends on FB. How many of them really know me or even want to really know me or what is really going on in my life? I am sure there are a number of Facebook users who would say that without Facebook I would not be connected to the world or that Facebook changed my life because I have friends now. I say to that, “good for you”. I think that more people have a different experience. They go on Facebook for good reasons, to stay connected to friends and family, but then they discover how great everyone else has it in the world, (at least it seems that way) and then they begin to feel more miserable about their own lives. The very thing we thought would help us be more connected then becomes an even greater source of disconnection to reality.

On Facebook I can hide all my fears, hurts, and frustrations; all the ugliness of my life can be forgotten and I can present to the world all the great things about my life. There is the “Real Me” with all my flaws and my good qualities, and then there is the “Facebook Me” displaying all my good qualities; it is the very best of me for all the world to see. This is where the positive connection we can have on Facebook goes awry. Facebook affairs happen this way; you connect with someone from your past, you see only the good they want you to see and that good seems better than what you have right now in your current relationship with conflict and disconnection; now you’re leaving your four kids and spouse to run off to be with a “Facebook Me” and not a “Real Me”. Later, to find out that this “Facebook Me” has been married and divorced twice, has six kids, and currently does not have a job, but you are the love of their lives and this time will be different, right?
Hear me out. I am not saying that FB is wrong or evil and that we should avoid it like swine flu. However, if FB becomes your sole means for connection to the world around you and not face to face people interaction, then FB has become a source of false intimacy; a “Fakebook”. I suggest we seek a balance between our time on FB and our time in the real world of face to face connections.

What do think about this blog article? Tell us on our Facebook page at:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Center-for-Human-Development/338081512538

Nick LaFonte is currently a counseling intern at CHD working towards a master’s in professional counseling.

Change is Possible

Professional therapists always believe that it is possible for a person to change. We see this in many of our clients. I was recently reminded of how extensive those changes can be following the passing of Chuck Colson.

An Associated Press article in the April 22 edition of the Wausau Daily Herald identified Colson as “ the tough-as-nails special counsel to President Richard Nixon who went to prison for his role in a Watergate-related case…(he) was known as the ‘evil genius” of the Nixon administration who once said that he’d walk over his grandmother to get the president elected to a second term.”

Colson, after a Christian religious conversion, pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice and served seven months in prison. After his release, he founded Prison Fellowship (1976), which has had an enormous impact in reaching tens of thousands of inmates and their families. The “Angel Tree” program to provided Christmas presents to children of inmates and enjoyed tremendous success locally and nationwide. In 1993, he was awarded the Templeton Prize for Progress in Religion in recognition of his invaluable contributions to American religion. He also established the Colson Center for Christian Worldview to equip others to “…live the Christian Life more effectively and to be a more effective witness.” I listened to Chuck regularly on his BreakPoint radio broadcast where he commented on our culture from a Christian worldview for over 20 years. I was also fortunate to hear his inspirational presentations at three major national conferences.

Dr. Richard Land, President of The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention stated that, "Perhaps Chuck Colson's most lasting legacy will be the Manhattan Declaration. Chuck was absolutely essential in bringing together evangelical, Catholic, and Orthodox religious leaders to hammer out an eloquent statement of common ground on three issues critical to people of faith in America: the sanctity of life; the institution of marriage; and religious freedom. This seminal document, already signed by more than half a million American Christians, will continue to rise in importance and influence as these issues escalate in controversy in our society… In a way, Chuck Colson was, like a late 20th-century Apostle Paul, radically transformed by his Damascus Road experience with Jesus Christ."

Yes, indeed, change is possible and Chuck Colson can serve as an inspiration for all of us.



Lee Webster BS, MSW, LCSW, BCD

Thanksgiving All Year Long

It was last April when I ended a ten and a half year career at an agency I was hoping to retire from. The program ended due to financial problems and I contemplated starting my own business when the Center for Human Development called me and invited me to be on board with them as a therapist! In a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, I was told the Center and it’s staff are like family! Well, over my 28 year career this was not the first time I had heard this term and wondered if it was a healthy family or dysfunctional one. After much discernment and prayer, I agreed to work with the Center. Starting a private practice is a challenge that usually takes about five years to grow. With the support of great support staff and a team of not only professional staff but colleagues who have a tremendous amount of experience and skills the journey I am now on has not only been growth producing professionally, but also very rewarding personally. This is an agency that truly cares about the people that seek services here and they also care about each other on a genuine level. Lee and Barb Webster are the owners of the Center and are also very active and experienced therapists. This couple welcomes all of us into their business but also welcomes us into their lives and as we share with each other professionally and personally the joys, successes and struggles that most people experience in life! After working for The Center for Human Development for the past year and a half, I would have to say not only is it a job but an experience of joy, love and excitement! Throughout this past year, I have been truly thankful that I did not start my own business but joined in my adoptive family of therapists and coworkers on a journey to serve those in need with professional and personal care!
Dan Buss, LCSW, MSW

Dealing with Stress in Difficult Financial Times

Tough economic times create additional stress for individuals, couples and families. In recent months, many of us have had to tighten our belts, as the economic picture has been quite dim. Jobs have been lost or time cut, investments diminished, and the dollar seems to be shrinking daily (my grocery shopping basket seemed only half-full the other day and I almost choked when I paid the bill). Indeed, a recent study done by the American Psychological Association documented that money and financial issues were ranked as the highest stressor in the lives of 8 of 10 respondents. 1 Stress, in and of itself, is a good thing—it moves us to action. It is when it becomes overwhelming and distressful that it can have devastating effects on people. Our thought processes compound fear, and most often, the things that we fear the most do not materialize. In the meantime, however, our bodies respond to our deepest fears physically, just as if the event we are fantasizing about is actually happening. Unfortunately, these fears are often immobilizing or harmful to ourselves and those around us. Anger and damage to intimate relationships are frequently reported when people are under what they perceive as excessive stress. We know that severe or prolonged stress is a factor in health and relationship problems. Remember, stress is stress, whether it is caused by an empty wallet, a screaming child, or a fender bender. Good Stress Management techniques involve caring for the whole person, physically, socially, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. The things that have worked for you to reduce stress in the past are still the best starting place: ● Exercise ● Eat healthy foods, in moderation ● Get enough sleep ● Learn and use a relaxation technique ● Communicate with friends, family and especially your spouse ● Practice your hobby or other enjoyable activity ● Volunteer or give of yourself to others ● Actively practice your faith We are not alone in all of this. Best selling author M. Scott Peck stated in The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult.” In a recent Psychology Today article, philosopher Needleman is quoted saying “Human beings live by meaning—not by pleasure, not by acquisition, not by status…If this crisis makes people ask what is really important in their lives then a lot of the money problems will be alleviated.” 2 The truth is that we will survive this, and most of us will be better for it. Many people are revisiting their priorities and are finding satisfaction in the “little” things of life, faith, family and friends. So evaluate your priorities, practice good judgment in your spending habits and budgeting, communicate to those in your support network, buy from local merchants, and pray diligently. If you feel that your stress is getting out of hand, see your doctor, and/or seek out our professional mental health or budget counselors. l American Psychological Association, Stress in America, October 24, 2007 2 Psychology Today, When Money Talks, June 2008 by E. Lee Webster BS, MSW, LCSW, BCD

Summer Reading

Submitted by Stephanie Hamann, MA, LPC, NCC

There are people that find summer a time to relax and to catch up on reading or other things that they find enjoyable. I thought I would list some of my favorite books in many areas for you to check out as you have vacation time or additional time in the car in order to read. Enjoy the list, and feel free to email me and recommend your favorites to me! I can be reached at shamann@chdevelopment.org.

Marriage/Relationships
The 5 Love Languages – Gary Chapman

Depression
Depression: A stubborn darkness – Edward T. Welch

Relationships
Boundaries – Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Children
Siblings without Rivalry – Adele Faber and Elaine Mazish

Stepfamilies
A Smart Stepfamily – Ron Deal

Discipline
123 Magic – Thomas Phelan

Marriage
His Needs Her Needs – Willard F. Harley, Jr

Affair in Marriage
After the Affair – Janis Abrams Spring and Michael Spring

Codependency
When people are big and God is small – Edward T. Welch

Fiction
Redeeming Love – Francine Rivers
Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis The next movie comes out this winter – get reading and finish the book before the next movie comes out.
When Joy Came to Stay – Karen Kingsbury