Five Keys To a Good Relationship

Since it is February, the so-called “season of love,” this month’s article is about things that are important to relationships, and not just marital or other romantic relationships, but relationships in general. Since there are those that are better writers and thinkers than I, I’m sharing something I found from Richard Nicastro, Ph. D. Dr. Nicastro, is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships. 5 actions that are essential for your relationship: 1. Hellos and good-byes Greeting your partner and saying good-bye are quick and easy to do but often overlooked in the chaos of hectic schedules. A warm, expressive greeting can set the stage for the entire day. An affectionate “good-bye” allows you and your partner to emotionally hold on to loving feelings while separated from each other. You’d be surprised how often couples skip this simple way to book-end their days. It may seem easier to put all your morning energies into catching the 7:15 train and overlook taking the time to stop, make eye contact with your partner and genuinely wish him/her a good day. Don’t fall into this trap. 2. Share the trivialities of life Think back to a time when your relationship was new. What did you and your partner talk about? Probably anything and everything. The excitement of new love propels us to share even the smallest details of our day. Unfortunately that level of sharing often dwindles as relationships mature and responsibilities mount. Focus on the act of sharing to refuel intimacy. The simple act itself is more important than the specifics of what is shared. So make it a habit to share the trivialities of your day with your partner. 3. Learn to laugh together Shared laughter is a surefire way to keep the connection with your partner vibrant. When you laugh, you’re tapping into the playful energy that transcends life’s stresses. When you and your partner make each other laugh, this energy feeds intimacy and life becomes a little less daunting. Make time for mutual playfulness and make fun of life’s absurdities —this will help you both cope with stress, develop perspective and achieve a greater sense of togetherness. 4. Communicate through Touch Touch is a powerful way to communicate affection and foster intimacy. Whether you’re sitting across from each other at the dinner table or next to your partner on the sofa, make the effort to increase the amount you touch one another. Touch also has a calming effect on our bodies, so if you want to create a relaxed, loving atmosphere and make your partner feel special, lean into each other the next time you’re at the movies or watching TV. 5. Show your appreciation It’s human nature to want to be recognized for the things we do. When you express gratitude, your partner receives the message that you are thankful and are not taking him/her for granted. An atmosphere of appreciation will create positive feelings and deepen your connection. Don’t fall prey to the expectation-mindset, where you start to believe that your partner is supposed to do all the things s/he does and therefore doesn’t need to be thanked for them—this mindset creates a dangerous atmosphere of complacency that erodes intimacy. These five loving acts don’t take much time and don’t cost a dime—but the payoff is huge. You will be taking steps to protect your marriage or relationship from the fast-paced tempo of life. Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be? Stephanie Hamann, MA, LPC, NCC is a licensed professional counselor at the Center for Human Development. She can be reached at 1-800-236-3792 or at shamann@chdevelopment.org