“Facebook” or “Fakebook”

I have had many thoughts about social media and specifically the use of Facebook or FB. Unfortunately, many of my own thoughts have really been negative towards it. Sure, I understand that it is a way for people to connect with loved ones from a distance, classmates from the past, and even the greater world around them, and for that I praise Facebook for helping people reconnect and get connected. Of course, businesses love FB too; they can get the word out about their product or services to over 900 million people without having to barely lift a finger, except to sign a check over to Zuckerberg for an advertisement (Nawaiwaqt Group of Newspapers, 2012).

My question is, “are we really more connected”? Do we really have greater intimate relationships after someone reads a status update? I have around four hundred friends on FB. How many of them really know me or even want to really know me or what is really going on in my life? I am sure there are a number of Facebook users who would say that without Facebook I would not be connected to the world or that Facebook changed my life because I have friends now. I say to that, “good for you”. I think that more people have a different experience. They go on Facebook for good reasons, to stay connected to friends and family, but then they discover how great everyone else has it in the world, (at least it seems that way) and then they begin to feel more miserable about their own lives. The very thing we thought would help us be more connected then becomes an even greater source of disconnection to reality.

On Facebook I can hide all my fears, hurts, and frustrations; all the ugliness of my life can be forgotten and I can present to the world all the great things about my life. There is the “Real Me” with all my flaws and my good qualities, and then there is the “Facebook Me” displaying all my good qualities; it is the very best of me for all the world to see. This is where the positive connection we can have on Facebook goes awry. Facebook affairs happen this way; you connect with someone from your past, you see only the good they want you to see and that good seems better than what you have right now in your current relationship with conflict and disconnection; now you’re leaving your four kids and spouse to run off to be with a “Facebook Me” and not a “Real Me”. Later, to find out that this “Facebook Me” has been married and divorced twice, has six kids, and currently does not have a job, but you are the love of their lives and this time will be different, right?
Hear me out. I am not saying that FB is wrong or evil and that we should avoid it like swine flu. However, if FB becomes your sole means for connection to the world around you and not face to face people interaction, then FB has become a source of false intimacy; a “Fakebook”. I suggest we seek a balance between our time on FB and our time in the real world of face to face connections.

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Nick LaFonte is currently a counseling intern at CHD working towards a master’s in professional counseling.